surprise surprise - cop shoot cop

just when you think you've heard everything and seen it all, life can still dredge up the goods to slap you in the face.

i'd got ready with hours to spare, texted everyone (apart from tam, obviously!) to pass on my progress reports. i checked my yahoo! e-mail, there were three or four threads on the Female Supremacy group that i felt i could probably contribute to.

i'm noticing the same names coming up over and over. there's a couple who're in (or claim to be in) twenty-four/seven/three-sixty-five Female-led relationships. there's another couple who're single, but know exactly what they want in a Domme/Mistress/Owner if they ever find Her.

there are four or five in relationships, trying to find their feet and build that perfect marriage. which is where i fit in, i suppose.

i left the house about seven and i had a pint in my hand by eight. i'd texted stella just before i got off the bus. now we were spread around three-or-four tables, waiting for her to text one of us that it was time to head to the dungeon. the bar staff and regulars eyed us and our bags like they'd just uncovered 9/11 - an hour before take-off - and none of them had a clue what to do.

the tension was starting to get to me. the tobacco-need kept coming up. every time somebody mentioned going for a fag, every time either door opened, i wanted to join in and smoke too. it was all i could do not to ask one of them for a cigarette and the fag-machine seemed to be staring me out.

i was determined not to give in, though. determined to stop. for good. again.

at about the eight-forty mark, a guy i'd never seen before stood up, took out his phone, thumbed it and read from it.

"the eagle has landed. repeat - the eagle has landed." a scraping of chairs as we got to our feet, down the tail ends of our drinks, picked up our bags. and (i noticed) several fumbled for cigarettes and/or lighters.

a quick glance at the bar staff showed they were coiled, ready to spring if any of us made a move for them. as we shuffle-scrambled for the door, the doorman took a step back and i saw his hand curl round something in his pocket.

outside, the tension started to dissapate as we burst from the pub doorway and scattered across the road. a couple of people knew where we were headed and the rest of us straggled behind them.

round the corner and somebody, a john or ian pressed the top button on a sleek silver intercom system. a woman's voice creaked a "yes?"

"tam fennwick’s guests?" he asked her back and the buzzer sounded. we pressed in.

the stairs were polished, the landings carpetted. we swarmed up the stairs like laden ants, some in pairs, some in single file.

three wide flights up and most of us were breathing slightly louder, red faced but still pushing upward.

we got to the top landing and - have you ever heard a dozen people all suddenly trying to be quiet at once? the middle door, a solid and heavy-looking barrier, opened and stella stood there.

she had a finger across her lips and her eyes were wide and blazing. she looked ready to execute the next person who made a sound. she held the door open and we troop-tip-toed through, ducking under her arm.

inside, we hit thick, silent carpet and i followed the guy in front of me up a wide stairway and into a pale mauve and aluminum changing area.

grey school chairs round the walls and a couple of sinks. massive mirrors covered most of the walls from waist to ceiling.

it must've been the sudden change in atmosphere from outside to inside, but we were all whisper-chattering, our voices a murmer of static.

even people i didn't know. those who, in the pub, hid behind the veil of don't-touch-me aloofness. out of the blue, we were all comrades.

those finished first waited for the rest of us. i struggled into my leather jeans and zipped them up. turning i helped a guy i'd never seen before lace up his Domme's boots. there was an incredible feeling of all being in it together. organised cells making up one great organism.

when we we'd achieved that moment where critical mass was equal to boiling point, a silence filled the room. one of tam's wee trannies looked round the room and opened the door. i followed it and held it for a tall, skeletal woman i'd never seen before.

we were half way down the stairs, creeping and tip-toeing like sneaking cartoon characters when stella appeared from a heavy door.

she motioned us to silence and we all stopped dead as she crossed the hallway and stopped at the front door to peep through the spy-hole before opening it quickly, a finger crossing her lips.

She entered - oh, fuck it, i may as well use Her name Here. Ms Simone - my Mistress - moved silently onto the hall carpet, already doing that thing where She makes everybody else look shabby and half-worked-out by comparison.

She gives me tiniest wave and i smile back at Her. stella points to, then heads through, a door which she holds open for Ms Simone to follow her through. we move down the stairs as quietly as we can.

i realise i've been holding my breath.

across the hall and through the open door. the room is a pale greyish green. the only light-source the cones of shifting light that emerge from the large tv screens that dominate either end of the room. we spread out in a wide arc between them, a spanking bench like an altar before us. music plays, unobtrusively. something low, murmering brass.

i move beside Ms Simone and She raises Her hand for me to kiss it. She smiles.

there's a change in the light as stella passes through the tvs' light. people are moving back to let her pass and it strikes me that tam must be somewhere around.

she goes around and behind the bench and i notice people crowding behind her

Ms Simone takes my hand and we become part of this crowd, pressing forward, still trying to see.

there's a movement i don't understand and stella is leaning over the bench. Her arms detatch themselves from whatever they were doing and she stands up.

the lights come on and i close my eyes instinctively as others raise hands to protect their faces.

my eyes start to adjust.

someone - is lying over the bench. it lifts a blindfolded head as if to look around. Ms Simone squeezing my hand. when i turn to Her, She is watching intently.

a shadow passes in front of the tied person and steps away. stella holding the sub's blindfold and dancing away with it.

the music has changed. "happy birthday" by altered images. the sub raises its head again and if there had been a bit more light, tam's eyes would have met mine.

stop.

rewind.

everything shifts like a shaken iphone.

tam. cuffed to - a woman giggles, which cuts out suddenly.

stella walks around him. her fingers tracing down his spine. tam is stil blinking, while looking around the room, like he's taking us all in, a fragment at a time. i turn.

"Ms Simone?"

She turns to me. "yes?"

"i'm about to fall off the wagon. may i please have a cigarette?"

she nodded. "after this, though."

outside, She handed me the packet and Her lighter. i lit a cigarette and passed it to Her. She motioned that i was to have one, too. i thanked Her and sucked it down into my lungs.

"you weren't expecting that, i assume?" She said.

the smoke burned my throat lightly as i shook my head no.

"if this is the new him, he's going to need a lot of support as he changes shape." i nodded, She continued. "and that can't all come from Her – what’s Her name? you know that."

i nod again, exhaling. “Stella, Ms Simone.”

She was right, though. tam must be going through massive alterations in who he is; and me? all i'm concentrating on is how shocked i am!

obviously, i'll be there for him. same as he would if the other foot was booted.

the door opened and Stella came out, followed by tam. to look at them, they hadn't changed – and they hadn't - this must've happened weeks ago.

in fact, the only thing that'd changed was the perception of those around them.

Ms Simone broke the silence.

"I think what you're doing is entirely courageous." She told them both. i nodded, noticing that tam was doing the same.

we stayed a few more hours, i didn't get a chance to talk to tam on his own, but Ms Simone introduced me to a couple of Her friends; i introduced Her to a couple of tam's wee flock of trannies.

when it came time for us to leave, Ms Simone led me to the front door, where Stella was having a cigarette, chatting to a white-haired guy. tam stood, a foot or so behind Her, as if forgotten about.

the Ladies exchanged a few words, ignoring myself and tam. Stella introduced Ms Simone to the white-haired guy, whose name was gary or barry, something like that. tam and myself were excluded completely.

when they'd finished chatting, i was permitted to make my goodnights while Ms Simone waited. as i walked Her to Her car, She was silent. as if thinking something through.

when She spoke, She stopped, turned to face me.

the next thing i knew, i was nodding, thanking Her, both of us smiling. then i was in Her car, She was blindfolding me and we were moving. i still couldn't believe this was really happening!

Ms Simone's lair, when we got there, wasn't some sadean fantasy dungeon in the bowels of an isolated castle. it was a nondescript third-floor flat on the outskirts of town, near a shopping mall that'd sprung up in the last few years.

She opened the front door and leaned in to switch on a light. blank, anonymous doors on either side of a thin staircase. to the right of that, a small pile of shoes, jumbled. forgotten magazines peeped out from the shoes and a couple of mobile phone chargers lay tangled on top.

"you can sort those out," She said, pointing. Her finger trailed past the staircase and stopped at the first door. "but first, i want coffee."

and that was it. She shoo-ed me into the kitchen and i had to figure it out from there. the kettle was pretty easy to find and i already knew She didn't take sugar; the rest was just rooting through cupboards.

and playing hunt-the-fridge. god, i hate these minimal fitted kitchens! it's like they were designed to replicate bygone days before electricity ruled the earth.

i sat at Her feet while She drank Her coffee, channel-hopped and surfed the phone-web. occasionally, She'd share something humourous or ask if i knew a specific person off (i think) ic.

She hadn't said anything for a while, so i hadn't either.

i looked up as She clicked the television off.

She pointed at the floor at Her feet.

"you may sleep Here. i'll throw a duvet down in a sec."

"thank You, Ms Simone."

"use the pink toothbrush on the sink. you're quite privileged - it's My old one." and with that, She was off, through the door and away.

a heard the sounds of ablutions and footsteps going upstairs. a minute or so later, there was a soft -whump- and She called something out. i scrambled to my feet and out into the hall.

"I asked," She spoke softly. "could you set an alarm, please?"

i nodded.

"I'd like my breakfast at nine-thirty, as near as." She ticked off on Her fingers. "toast; two pieces. just as it comes out of the toaster. butter it and I'll decide what kind of jam I want when you bring it."

i nodded again.

"coffee. I like it a little stronger in the mornings. use the stuff in the jar with the red lid; top shelf of the fridge."

"yes, Ms Simone."

there should be grapefruit juice in the fridge. if there's less than half a carton, put another in there. I like a pint-glass, filled to the top. and ice cold." She turned. "nine-thirty, then. night, slave." and She was gone.

it's weird how things just suddenly explode, isn't it? i'm sitting at home, writing this on my laptop.

i went out last night after tea, fully expecting to be home by about one. mind you, i wasn't exactly expecting tam and Stella's birthday bombshell, either!

i could hardly sleep for excitement, lying along Her living room floor, where Her feet had been until recently.

i turned Her voice over in my head. the way She'd said it - She called me "slave"! even now, i can remember standing at Her sink, cleaning my teeth with the toothbrush She'd only just used and discarded. She called me "slave"! it kept going off in my head, over and over, like a paper-soft explosion.

and the reverberations are still hitting me now, twenty-four hours later.

i still can't believe all this.

it's like a dream; or like a film that makes no sense till you get that one last vital fact out of the blue in the final reel.

shit, it's gone quarter-past-two. i better get some shut-eye. doesn't feel like i'm going to get a whole lot of sleep, though.