nice mild morning. nobody inside the bus shelter. we lounged beside it, against it. flicked our dimps at the cyver as the bus appeared round the corner. do more people start smoking again, i wonder, when the decent weather comes in?
at the far end, i had one in my mouth and my lighter in my hand with two stops to go. it's surprising how fast we slip back into all the habits that grow out from our smoking as soon as we start again.
although, if i'm honest, i'm growing bored with the smoking idiots at work much faster than i'd have expected.
their pathetic conversations about reality teevee, soaps and football. the ongoing discussion on which of our colleagues are definitely gay. the casual racism, trannied up as opinions on terrorism.
even in my new identity as a smoker - one of them - it didn't take me long to start standing slightly apart from them.
after yesterday's text-wimbledon, i found myself thinking a lot about Her last night and today. if i actually remembered my dreams, She was probably occupying them, too!
She's unlike anyone i think i've ever met, i think. beautiful, mysterious and with a fascinating perspective on things i'd stopped considering a long time ago. why is it, that getting through life demands so many sacrifices and compromises?
She makes me want to improve my perspective, shines a bright light onto everything i've learned to take for granted. christ, She makes me want things i'm not sure i could handle if they came true!
ok. i'm being a little coquette-ish here. not going into the gory (and exciting!) details of our conversations.
i've been on my own for the last few years. hanging in that limbo at the end of any relationship. where it's definitely ended but i've not yet worked up the courage to try to open myself up all over again.
and then, when Someone does come along, the same old fear. am i ready? is This One frog or Princess?
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