miss You - the rolling stones

still not smoked and that's well over twenty-four hours now! i'm feeling fairly positive about stopping for good.

i had the tiniest twinge this morning, walking past the smokers on my way in, but nothing much. feeling like i should be having one before i went in. which is why they call it a habit, i suppose.

it was a bit stronger in the afternoon when i was getting bored. i caught myself rationalising "just stretching my legs" and so on. trying to find an excuse to "just have the one".

we texted each other all day today. both of us having a slow day, somewhere between Her "not much to do" and my "couldn't give a shit".

we've even developed a running gag - our first, i think. when i say something She could possibly be offended by, She tells me, "i could punish you for that." and every time i read it - or, better still, hear Her say it, i get a warm tingle the full length of my body.

these are the moments you feel most truly alive, don't you? the times when Someone Important restates the power dynamic that lifts 'n' separates you as a couple.

and we were on the phone a good couple of hours tonight. not our usual three-hour-marathon, but it shot by as they always do.

She has a cough. intermittent, but like a machine-gunning when it kicks in.

and my throat and lungs keep wanting to join in. to spasm in solidarity, wrenching the last couple of weeks' worth of phlegm out of my chest. i can't say i'm looking forward to that bit.

so when She coughs, i fight not to join in on the choruses. try not to feel the noise She's making. try to keep my imagination from racing off into what my cough's going to feel like.

so i might have picked Her up wrong when i half-caught Her mentioning Female Supremacy. maybe She didn't say that at all. could easily have been something else instead.

then She went into Her cough and came out the other side talking about something else entirely.

and i forgot all about it til just this second.