cold sweat - the sugarcubes

back to work this morning. walking in there, through the assembled smokers outside the front door, everything started to feel unreal. i kept getting glimpses of myself as an alien just arrived, seeing all this for the first time. making objective sense of what was before me.

addicts. sucking dirty smoke from burning leaves down paper tubes to shorten their pathetic lives. i found myself feeling sort of - detatched - apart from these people-creatures.

there was a comment or two, people mentioning homosexuality as if it was important to them... what kind of heterosexuals have boy-on-boy sex uppermost in their minds, day and night. i imagined them waking shrieking from dreams of male flesh into the cold-sweaty horror of their lonely beds.

then i put them out of my mind.

there was a post on the Female Supremacy group that caught my eye this morning. one of the males posted that his Mistress had asked him for all his passwords - from e-mail to e-bay. this was troubling him.

on the one hand, he had nothing to hide from Her, but that "reasonable" voice we all have hidden away in our heads was telling him to be careful.

the work i was doing wasn't exactly brain-intensive, so i just let my mind drift to this problem and tinker with it.

would i hand mine over to Her if She asked me? not like this, when i only see Her once or twice a week. but if i was living as Her 24/7... my thoughts dissolved into a montage of views around Her home, both from a standing and a kneeling perspective.

i suppose that's the cut-off point, isn't it. one of the commitments a male can make to his Owner.

which all comes down to picking the right Mistress, doesn't it? the One who'll respect you enough to accept that level of transparency to Her - and not abuse it.

i've had a few texts from tam on the subject of saturday. not an avalanche; but certainly enough to make it clear as day he's still not a hundred percent comfortable with this new identity he's trying on. or how cool those around him are with it.

one thing's for damn sure - he's fallen for Stella - hard - the way i have for Ms Simone. which can't be a bad thing. just as long as he can live with this new-born identity of his!