i got in from work and replied to harold's last two messages. i've been working on this e-mail in my head all day. this week in the basement should be good for that; turning things over in my head.
it wasn't my intention to poke fun at harold over his inconsistencies; more just to enquire gently what he meant. sometimes, we can have something straight in our heads, but can't communicate that accurately to others.
i worked through another couple of chapters of "now you are Hers". chapter eleven is a variation on the bdsm checklist. a list of activities, graded from "oh yes, please!" to "i'm dialing 999" - but also whether the slave would accept them from a Male, a Woman, or Both.
chapter twelve was mainly written by the slaves from before. talking about how they'd been trained to accept things they'd previously thought were hard limits.
it was fascinating reading. all those males, with their different takes on slavery, all of them with different things they believed they couldn't take - ever.
and each of them the property of an implacable Goddess, who wanted what they thought they could never give.
from blindfolds to cuckoldry, each of these males had come up against his own, personal wall - and, with the support of his Owner, transcended that.
passing through that fire, they all seemed to say, made them not only better slaves, but more fully rounded human beings.
all our fears and phobias, just like our fetishes, are the domain of the ego.
following our discussion yesterday evening, tonight's phonecall kept returning to "now you are Hers". in particular, how closely my own thoughts and understanding mirrored each of the males in the book. having been made aware of these comparisons, i'm now looking more deeply at each as i read it. holding it up against my beliefs and experience.
there was a short meeting with my supervisor this morning. stressing mainly that i'm not being simply dumped in the cellar like an un-photogenic royal monster.
time will tell.
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