i wasn't always on my own. i fell for Someone a few years ago, threw my full weight behind it. we were blissfully happy for a couple of months, then She ended it.
that happens sometimes.
we'd made all these promises to each other. used a lot of words like "forever" and "ever". woke up one morning and it'd already died. the honeymoon was great but when it came to an end, that's all there was. there wasn't anything else to keep us connected.
no music, no books, no movies. just savage, blinding sex. desire and capitulation. lust, sweat and tears. and when it was over, She moved on while i carried the same stupid torch and itch i always do.
i was a raw wound, waiting to be cauterised. waiting with a ragged edge that felt like it would never heal.
i think about Her sometimes. sometimes when sleep knocks me back. i'd masturbate about the good times, but i know my mind'll soon drift. either to the not-so-good times or to Somebody Else who once made me feel like this.
there seems little point and i give up. roll over and wish i could sleep.
i wonder where She is now. whether She's happy or unhappy. still, there are far too many variables to push that sort of thinking to any sort of a conclusion - logical or otherwise.
it occurs to me that i'm wondering where each and every one of Them are today. Exes and Formers; the great wall of past that separates me from the world as it is today.
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