future days - can

She was at the munch this afternoon! i'd walked in, spotted tam and was on my way across, via the bar, when i felt a cool weight on my shoulder. turning, i saw Who it was and felt my eyes widen, my jaw drop open. She just smiled back at me.

no explanation for the radio-silence, just that smile. and that voice, asking if i was going tonight.

it's strange, the way Her proximity shifts my sense of bouyancy. seeing Her inflates my self-worth, lifts me up like now-that's-what-i-call-amphetamines-3000-a.d.

talking, She reached into her bag for her - silk cut! i knew there had to be a reason i chose them! a wash of embarrassment floods over me. i feel as if i've been caught out, doing something i shouldn't. i feel stalky and mortified.

we went outside for a cigarette and my self-consciousness kicked in. i felt every part of taking it out, lighting it, inhaling, exhaling. i'm not sure whether She noticed a thing, but it felt like She was staring hard, sucking in everything.

we chatted together most of the afternoon, occasionally allowing another into our enclosed space. from time to time, She'd send me to the bar for us.

one thing She wasn't forthcoming with though, was any sort of explanation. no reason she'd disappeared like that, no reason for Her radio silence.

going back to last night, i started watching a dvd i'd picked up the other week, "time trumpet". a bizarre comedy, set in the future - and written by armando iannucci.

it was pretty funny, david beckham in his mid-fifties, having had a real vagina implanted in his arm, "to keep his car keys in"...

i must've seen about the first three, before being swallowed up by the sandman.

brilliant! i must watch the rest.