last night's club was about an hour-and-a-half from here. tam's pushing fifty, but acts roughly a third of his age. a taxi-driver by day - and i have seen him in his civvies - when he gets dressed, he makes a pretty convincing woman. right up until he opens his gob.
the missing tooth is a dead giveaway and the west lothian accent rams the point right home. plus, he has the tastes in football, television and politics that all taxi drivers are issued with at birth. and the ability, in any situation, to create faux pas without any specialised equipment whatsoever.
thankfully, because he drives for a living, he rarely drinks. drunk, his social skills turn into circus-skills.
tam picked me up around eight. i'd been ready for over an hour, flicking idly around the internet, looking for i don't know what. whatever it was, i was quite relieved when i heard the bell and grabbed my jacket.
en route, we have one of those discussions. each of us telling the other what's been happening to us - without naming anyone else.
the club was half full when we arrived. we annexed ourselves a seat and i mounted an assault on the bar. tam's first drink - as always - was lager, preferably european (or at least, pseudo-euro) and diet pepsi after that.
at the bar, i spot - and say hello to - a woman whose name i never manage to remember. come to think of it, my mind refuses to retain Her partner's name, either. or which one's the sub and which is the Dom/me.
the club wasn't bad. i've been to worse. the music, of course, was shit. but then that's governed by european legislation nowadays.
no fetish club is permitted to play decent music more than three times per year. stunners in edinburgh gets around this by not having a play area, but by and large, most clubs comply or die.
by the time i got back with the drinks, i'd lost my seat to two familiar-looking blokes and a woman i hadn't seen before. tam, of course, was in full swing. some story about something that happened to - or in - his fast black once.
i figured i'd give it till he started telling the julia roberts story and fuck off.
as usual, he'd gathered a crowd around him before he started.
"you know that julia roberts? "sleepin' wi the enemy"? "pretty woman"?
i got to my feet as subtly as i possibly could.
i had a look round the club. "just seeing whose here", i told myself. "it's not Her i'm looking for - not really."
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